FIFTY

Today marks the 50^th day since I boarded a plane with my life squeezed into a 20kg suitcase and started my new life in Madrid, the longest I’ve ever spent away from England. I thought it would be fitting to come up with 50 things I’ve encountered or discovered over my first 50 days here.

1. MTV España

Last week, our Civil law lecturer lured Magda, Katy and I into her office, only to give us an earful about how we should watch some of the intellectually-stimulating shows Spanish TV has to offer in order to improve our dreadful language skills. Luckily, this coincided with my discovery of MTV España, just in time for the start of Gandía Shore. Spain’s answer to Snooki is called Arantxa, and within the first five minutes of the show, she had introduced herself with ‘I’m a chav. When I die, I want my ashes sprayed across Fabrik (a club in Madrid) from a confetti canon’. She is, naturally, my favourite.

2. #YOHOYA

You only have one year abroad (don’t shoot me, I didn’t make it up). This ‘say yes’ attitude just seems to be embedded in every Erasmus student’s DNA. That would explain why we’re planning a weekend in Morocco in November, and a skiing-trip-slash-music-festival in March next year. Because, hey, #YOHOYA.

3. The metro

The best way to get around Madrid is the metro. It’s quick, reliable, clean and cheap: for around 30€ a month, I have a snazzy card that allows me unlimited travel on the metro, as well as on the buses too. However, it’s more than likely that you’ll be sharing any metro journey with…

4. Beggars

You only have to look to the streets, or indeed the metros, for evidence of Spain’s economic crisis. Beggars are absolutely everywhere, although not all are necessary homeless; many have cardboard signs explaining that they’ve lost their jobs and need money to feed their children. One man even came on the metro last week asking if someone could take him home to let him shower and change clothes. I did try to give a woman some spare change the other day and she coughed her gratitude onto me. I don’t know if it’s acceptable to have ‘least favourite beggars’, but she’s in my top 3 (along with the man in Leeds who pretends to be homeless and is always trying to sell his ‘last Big Issue’, and the man who sits outside Tiger Tiger groaning “ ‘ELP DE ‘OMELESS PLEEEEEEEEEEASE”).

5. Not eating between 2pm and 10pm

You eat at 2pm and you eat at 10pm. Diverting from this schedule, or god forbid, having snacks, will result in harsh judging from your Spanish flatmates.

6. Club entry

Sadly, paying 10-15€ just to get into a club, maybe with the incentive of a free drink, is normal in Madrid. I’ve never missed Quids Night at Halo (£1 entry, £1 drinks all night, AND in a church, if you’ve never experienced this weekly Leeds institution) quite as much as I do now.

7. Avoiding eye contact on the metro when you have a seat

I don’t care if you’re pregnant, disabled, old or dying. I’ve just had three hours of criminal law followed by three hours of constitutional law and I feel like a bad combination of all four. I’m staying here.

8. Montaditos

On my very first visit to Madrid in July, Megan led me down a very slippery slope by introducing me to Cervercería 100 Montaditos: Spain’s twist on fast food, with 100 different types of tapas-sized sandwiches. Wednesdays and Sundays means ‘Euromania’, where everything, including pints of beer, is 1€. Very, very dangerous.

9. Tapas

Why commit yourself to one meal in a restaurant when you could have 12 mini ones?

10. Botellón

Every GCSE Spanish student dreams of their first botellón as soon as their teacher explains the concept to them: a gathering of young people in a public place for the sole purpose of getting drunk. And once you’ve begrudgingly handed over 15€ to enter a club, it’s easy to see why drinking 1€ bottles of sangria in the street is so popular.

11. Kiss kiss

It’s custom to greet pretty much everyone you meet with a kiss on the cheek, whether it’s your best Spanish friend or, as I discovered on my first day here, your landlady. Get used to it.

12. Hasta luego

As Hannah and many others before me have already pointed out, the fewer consonants you can fit into ‘hasta luego’, the more fluent you are. ‘Asawayo’.

13. H&M and Zara

Spain is home of H&M and Zara, and they are EVERYWHERE. Imagine something similar to the number of Greggs in Leeds.

14. Concierge

When I first saw the advert for my flat, which promised a concierge service, I imagined an old man called Pedro wearing a suit, cap and white gloves who would call me a cab whenever I wanted and would greet me with a ‘Buenos días, Señor Jack’. Instead, my concierge is a small, middle-aged woman who is hardly ever there. Disappointing.

15. Angry Spanish

So, as it turns out, when I get a little bit tipsy, apparently my Spanish accent comes across as very rude and angry. Yesterday, Pablo told me my Spanish is improving because I don’t shout anymore. Hopefully this means I won’t have to be dragged away from another near-conflict in a takeaway restaurant in the near future.

16. La Sureña Thursdays

Fried chicken for 3€ every Thursday. This has quickly become a weekly tradition for Leon and I.

17. Pechuga de pollo

Chicken breasts don’t exist in Spain. Please help me.

18. PAYG

Remember when you were 12, and you had to suffer the indignity of pay as you go, trying to fit everything into one 12p text message? Imagine having the same problem when you’re 20, because Spain doesn’t believe in rolling contracts or unlimited texts. It’s like living in a third world country.

19. Chinos

Shops that sell virtually everything you could ever need, with no real theme or structure – think corner shop meets Poundland. Just don’t question the dubious political correctness of referring to these shops, which are predominantly run by Chinese people, as ‘Chinese’ shops.

20. Just-eat.es

Thank god this is a thing. That curry was amazing.

21. Shop opening times

You know how annoying it is when shops in England close early on Sundays? IMAGINE IF THEY JUST DIDN’T OPEN AT ALL ON SUNDAYS. No wonder you’re in such an economic mess, Spain.

22. Calle de las Putas

This street is affectionately known as ‘Street of the Sluts’, because no matter what time, day or night, it will be full of prostitutes. Imagine the Red Light District in Amsterdam, but with the prostitutes on the street rather than behind a window. There’s even a police station on Calle de las Putas, but the policemen seem to turn a blind eye; I reckon they have some sort of ‘Taken’ style arrangement, because I’ve looked in my law books, and prostitution is still definitely illegal in Spain.

23. Civil unrest

The Spanish people ain’t happy, and they love a good protest. Some of the protests have turned into full-scale riots caused by the brutal police force here. Just don’t expect to hear anything about these riots in the news: the first I heard about it was when I went to England for the weekend and it was the main story on Sky News. I WISH I COULD BAKE A CAKE FILLED WITH RAINBOWS AND SMILES AND EVERYONE WOULD EAT AND BE HAPPY.

24. Kapital

Madrid’s notorious 7-storey club is certainly an experience, but an expensive one. Expect to lose all of your friends as soon as you enter.

25. So many pastry shops, too little time

26. Mercadona

Our local supermarket, which is really quite awful, but has a CRACKING theme tune.

27. Parque de Retiro

Without a doubt, my favourite place in Madrid. It can be full of screaming kids and still be the most peaceful spot in the city.

28. Flying home for a pop concert is perfectly acceptable

Just another excuse to share this photo again, really.

29. Everyone hates Erasmus

If a lecturer points out you’re Erasmus, 100 pairs of judging, Spanish eyes will stare at you for a good few minutes and won’t stop even if you make eye contact with them. It’s a bit like being in a zoo.

30. Siestas

Daytime naps seem like such a good idea at the time, especially in a country where it is encouraged as ‘culture’. However, when you wake up 6 hours later from your siesta and your whole sleeping pattern is ruined, then it doesn’t feel so good.

31. Actually having to study

I had to buy a textbook for 80€ last week. EIGHTY EUROS. Who would have thought I would actually have to do work? Haven’t opened the book yet though.

32. Getting the first metro home

Many times I have forced myself to stay out until 6am so I don’t have to pay for a taxi.

33. Going to a club at 3am is fine

Whether you’re still standing at 3am, and are actually allowed into a club, is a different matter.

34. Alcohol everywhere

Pints of beer in McDonalds and Burger King, people selling cans of lager on the street…

35. Delicias

Let’s take a moment to appreciate my area in Madrid. First of all, it’s called Delicias. Secondly, Delicias translates into English as Delights. DELIGHTS. It’s such a great little area and it just feels very… Spanish.

36. Sangria

1€ a bottle, what’s not to love?

37. Year abroad blogs

Not only do I love writing my own blog, and the surprising reaction I receive from people who actually read it, but I love reading the blogs of all my pals studying abroad all over Europe. Check out the links on the right hand side of my blog, they’re great.

38. Señor Pug

Spain is FULL of pugs and French bulldogs, which is really not helping my obsession with them.

39. The weather

I imagined I’d have a glowing Hispanic tan by now. No. I read somewhere that Madrid weather is ‘3 months of infierno (hell), 9 months of invierno (winter), and so far, I’d have to agree.

40. Fashion parties

They are always happening and I always feel so out of place.

41. No student union

I miss Old Bar. I miss Kopparbergs in the sun in the Terrace. I even miss the Essentials meal deal.

42. Joaquín

In Salamanca, anyone and everyone who met me knew me as Joaquín, for that was my name. Sadly, Joaquín didn’t really catch on in Madrid. I’ve even deleted it out of my name on Facebook. I feel like a part of me has died.

43. Erasmus Grant

Thank you for all this free money. THANK YOU.

44. My flat

I love my little flat. It’s newly refurbished, very modern and clean and, as I’ve already mentioned, in a great location. And at 300€ a month, it’s an absolute bargain.

45. Union Jack

I’ve seen more Union Jacks in Spain than at the Queen’s Jubilee. It seems to be a Spanish fashion icon; it’s on every t-shirt and every bag in every shop. USE YOUR OWN FLAG, ESPAÑA.

46. Paperwork

SO much paperwork. I am constantly being beckoned into my landlady’s office to sign form after form after form, and I have no idea what I’m signing. And there’s so much paperwork just to be allowed to stay and study here. But if it means I get my Erasmus grant, I’ll sign my life away…

47. Kettles

Don’t exist. If you want a cuppa, you better put the hob on.

48. Cold water

Spanish Pablo washes the dishes with cold water and, despite my protests, says this is just what they do in Spain.

49. Europop and reggaeton

Welcome to Spain, where Ai Se Eu Te Pego-style Europop and Pitbull are pretty much the best the clubs have to offer. The music charts are a good 6 months behind the rest of the world. Well, at least this means we’ve avoided Gangnam Style… for now.

50. Homesickness

On the rare event that the beast does rear it’s ugly and unwelcome head, I just imagine the voices of Johnny K and Kazza in the back of my head, telling me to shake out of it and make the most of my year abroad. Maybe after reading this blog, they’ll now be constantly reminding me ‘#YOHOYA’…